It's weird, somehow, how time flies. It seems to go faster and faster with every year that passes. This post is about what happens when you find yourself at a point in your life where the path you've been walking on parts. And you have to decide which way to go.
As I mentioned way too many times throughout the last few weeks/month, I've officially completeted all the exams of my last year of school. In Germany, that means you don't go to school anymore. You just wait for the exam results, going on vacation, taking on a job or watching reality TV 24 hours a day.
Or - in my case - stressing about the one question that is: What happens next?
Clearly, I have been thinking about it a lot. When I was in elementary school my biggest wish was to become an author someday. Later, in 7th and 8th grade, I thought it would be cool to be an actress. Or a journalist for a magazine to, you know, be able to buy myself some food and pay rent.
From my 10th year of School on until now, I spent some time every few months scrolling through random University websites and reading about their subjects.
Without presentable results, of course.
I have to start applying to Universities at the beginning of July (at the latest) and I'm confronted with the biggest decision in my life (so far).
I mean, I could study law and become a lawyer and noone in my family would be worried about my future. Or I could take Media Studies and learn about journalism (print, radio, TV and online) and the influence of media in our everyday lives for the next three years.
The first option sounds boring, but safe. The second one exciting, but insecure.
As my brain is running out of fuel from all the thinking I've been doing, I thought that this would be a good topic for the blog. Something, many of us probably have to face. It might not be about your future career right now, it might be about taking a certain subject in highschool or choosing if you want to marry or not.
No, really. There is one question we always have to ask ourselves - do I take the safe path? Or am I going to be bold?
Let's talk about safe. Safe is not always bad. I dedicated my last four years of school to studying my butt off instead of drinking my head numb. That was definitely the safe and not the fun decision. As a result, I now face a bunch of great career/ University opportunities. I have those good grades and noone can take them away from me. My family is really proud of me. The people in my town respect me. I got a lot of good stuff out of being focused on school.
Anyway, I didn't get to party hard - ever. I canceled sleepovers with my friends and family get-togethers. I stopped watching TV and - for a while - listening to music. I never went on a vacation and I have not had a boyfriend. During our final exams this past semester, my blog suffered a lot and I went days and weeks without reading a book for pleasure - although I really wanted to.
To cut it short - I missed out on life. Big time.
Do I regret making school the priority, always? No. I needed that confirmation that I was good enough, strong enough, intelligent enough to excel in something.
However, do I want to do it again? I honestly don't know.
If anyone of you has read The Jelly Bean Crisis, you know what I'm talking about. That book practically threw it in my face : success and happiness are not always the same thing.
I always believed if I did well in school and University and then got a great job, I could be happy. I could have - and care for - a family. I imagined a big house a caring husband, a bunch of children and never, ever worries about money.
Anyway, if I picture my future as a law student now, I have doubts. I see me, stressed out and anxious, hauled over textbooks with no social life, almost no hobbies and nothing to hold on to but the next excellent mark.
Each of us only gets one chance, one opportunity, one life. What should we make of it? Should we do for a living what we love to do most in our free time? Or should we aim high and higher, always reaching for success in numbers?
Maybe I'd be happier with a career in media. Maybe that's what I would really enjoy doing. Maybe that's the kind of person I am.
The problem is - how do I find out? How does one make a decision that big? It's not only about me and my University decision - it's about everyone and their lives. How do we want it to be? Do we always want to go the path that feels right in our hearts? Or is that too naive to survive this world? Should we go into the direction that seems safe and secure?
What do you guys think? Which decisions for your life (big or small) did you have to make in the past? I'd love to know!