You know those days when you feel like fate and life and everyone wandering this earth is against you? When you feel so utterly, annoyingly, frustratingly alone and hopeless?
Yeah, last night was one of those days for me.
And I don't share this on the blog because I feel the need to be whiny and annoying. I share this because of something I realized last night - not for the first time, but I guess I needed the reminder.
Nothing in life is ever easy.
Nothing will ever come to you easily.
And if you want something, you've got to work for it.
It's strange really, that I seem to forget about this sometimes. So many things in my life I have only achieved because at some point, I just started believing in hard work. In self - discipline. And in never, ever giving up.
However, lately I have come across a lot of giving up.
I think what frustrated me most is that I've come so far in certain areas of my life. This is the first time ever that something huge happened for me, just because of all the hard work I put in. This is the first time ever that I got a bit of the life I wanted to live.
What shuttered me so much was that it didn't make me happy. At first, yes. And still, there are a million things that are SO much better than they were before. But now, whenever I come across a hill I have to climb up or a bump in the road, I feel utter disappointment. A hopelessness that is hard to overcome.
Somehow, my mind seems to expect everything to come easy, now that I have made this one big step.
I realize I don't take challenges as well anymore. I realize I am not that good at working hard anymore. I feel like giving up more often that I ever have, because I realized that not everything gets better at once. That even if some things get better, others stay the same, or get worse.
That's what I was whining about to myself last night. And god! was I whiny! I bathed in life-loathing and self-loathing like I haven't done in a long time.
Then I realized something else. Yes, I know. My mind is brilliant like that.
I realized that life is not supposed to be easy.
It will never be easy.
And you can never stop fighting.
Because, what do they say? If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough?
I've always had big dreams. It takes guts to have big dreams. It takes guts to sacrifice, to let go, to commit to hard work and the challenges of the day, every day.
And yet, it's good to have dreams like that. To want to achieve something, to want to change the world in the tiny little ways that we can. It is worth fighting for and I can't throw tantrums and cry like a baby just because things don't go the way I want them to.
I have to put on my big girl panties and just deal with it.
So, do you guys have those moments when you feel like you. just. can't. handle. one more problem? What do you do to keep motivation levels up and the spirit flowing?
I'd love to hear in the comments!